you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize