So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
