walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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