I got chris browned last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
