i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
