if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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