i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
