Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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