shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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