First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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