Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize