Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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