cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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