wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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