went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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