All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
