Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
