If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
