Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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