All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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