if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
