I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
