Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
