my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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