Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
