I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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