you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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