a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
