I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
