I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
