He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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