on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
