dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
