I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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