never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
