i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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