someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
