I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize