You made me cry and you don't even care
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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