is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
