if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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