Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
