I bet he comes in French.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
