did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
