Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
