i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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