I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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