I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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