i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
