Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
True college students do jello shots in the library
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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