batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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