OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
vagina is talking i cant
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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