seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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