I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
