im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
