look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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