His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
