Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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