i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
