i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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