I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize