I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
