I swear she didn't look like that last week.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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