He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
