fuck your aforementioned shoe
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
