There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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